What Ceiling?
by EtincelleD'OR
Summary: Spin off of 'A Charter Mage Scorned': What happens when the Priests and Pharaoh Atem decide to play a trick on Isis? What happens when it involves Robin Hood and his merry Wood Nymphs, a deranged arachnophobic cat and the palace ceiling? ...


**What Ceiling???!!!**

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**WildEm: Right, for no apparent reason, I have decided to write this bit of rubbish. It's a bit modern-age for Ancient Egypt, but hey, Isis knows the future right? Okay:**

normal speech

**emphasis**

**(stage directions.)**

**((thoughts))**

_whisper/murmur_**(A/N: There aren't too many of these...)**

**SHOUTING/YELLING(A/N: Mainly Isis that does this lol)**

**AND I KNOW IT'S IN SCRIPT FORMAT SO DON'T FLAME ME FOR IT, but because it's all very spontaneous script format works best for the style. OK??? Any problems with that, go crying to your mother, I don't care!!!**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN YU-GI-OH, CHARMED OR THE OLD KINGDOM TRILOGY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

Mahado: **(comes in dressed in green tights, looks disgusted) **

WildEm: **(grins) **Nice tights Mahado! **((and dare I think about it, nice legs...))**

Mahado: **(grimaces)** You can't seriously be expecting me to wear _these_???!!!

WildEm: I knew I could count on you Mahado! **(passes him a bow and arrows)** Here are your props.

Mahado: **(takes props and inspects them, as if he does not know what they are)**

Seth: **(orbs in) **Am I late?

WildEm: Nope. Orb your butt over there. _Tch, whitelighters..._

Seth: I'll walk, I've done too much orbing today, my leg muscles need stretching.

WildEm: **(watches Seth eagerly) ((I could _really _get used to working with these two...))** You drying up? **(A/N: I mean like running out of orbs)**_Whitelighters... such wusses..._

Seth: **(nods) **

WildEm: Can you do my disclaimer? Pretty please with a Sphinx on top???!!!

Seth: Since you ask so nicely: WildEm wishes to inform you that she is not Kazuki Takahashi (Yu-Gi-Oh), Garth Nix (The Old Kingdom Trilogy), or Constance M. Burge (Charmed).

WildEm: Ta very much! Now both of you, into position, and yes, Mahado, the tights _are_ _compulsory_!!!

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**KKKKKKWWWWHHHHHAAAAMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

Isis:...**SSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **

**SSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **

**(perfectly timed dust falls from barely existant ceiling and 'flours' her)**

Seth:** (orbs in)**

Isis: **(taps foot angrily against blackened stone demandingly:) **Seth, where is the ceiling?

Seth: **(squirms, eyes shoot from side to side to avoid her stare, very guiltily:) **What ceiling? Ha! I don't know what you're talking about Isis! Ceiling! What ceiling? We don't have a ceiling!!! **(jumps back and cowers in far off corner, eyes wide**) GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Isis: **(folds arms) **What?

Seth: **(looks up) **Isis! You look like... like... like a ghost!!!

Isis: **(looks at Seth as if he is mentally ill and then glares, smoothly:)** You got a problem with that? You are the Abhorsen for Ra's sake! You are suppos...

Mahado: **(comes in, wearing green tights, fires an arrow, grinning) **Stand and deliver!!!

Isis and Seth:**GAH!!! (stare at Mahado's tights)**

Mahado:** (nocks another arrow) **Excellent!

Isis: **(raises an eyebrow) **Mahado. You missed. And if you hadn't noticed, the ceiling...

Seth: **(Guiltily:) **What ceiling?

Mahado: Who's Mahado? I'm Robin! Robin of Loxley!!!...**GAH!! (A/N: Please people, let's learn how to spell 'Loxley'. It's 'Lo_x_ley', _not_ 'Locksley', as it says on the 'Charmed' subtitles!!!... I live in England. I know these things!!!)**

Isis: Amun Ra! What?

Mahado: GHOST!!!

Atem: **(runs in) SSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHH!!!**

Seth: _Ah crap!!!_

Atem: **GAH!!! (jumps back)**

Seth: What?

Atem: **(points at Isis) **GHOST!!!

Isis: **(anime falls)**

Atem: Seth, we have a problem!!!

Seth: **(daft expression freezes) **Please tell me not another spider...

Atem:** (falls to kness and grabs Seth's cloak, wails, hyperventilates) **Pleeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaase get rid of it!!!!!!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mahado: **(fires arrow at conveniently placed apple)**

Shaada and Karim: **(enter wearing tiny, floaty green dresses and flowers)**

Isis: **(stares) **Amun Ra...

Seth: **(anime falls)**

Shaada and Karim: **(dance around the room laughing like two utter plonkers) **

Seth: Alright. What happened to you two???!!!

Karim: We are wood nymphs!!!

Seth: **(right eye twitches, nods like a robot and grins widely) **Yes you are...

Shaada: We protect the forest!!!** (punches the air like Superman getting ready for take off)**

Isis: Forest? What forest? This is Egypt!!!

Karim: Isis! We protect all of nature's virtues!

Isis: Pity you couldn't protect the ceiling...

Seth: What ceiling???!!! **(eyes swivel from left, to right, to left again)**

Atem: SSSSSSSSEEEEEETTTTTTTTHHHHHHHH!!! Pleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaase help me I really hate them!!! It wants to eat me!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seth: Don't worry Atem I'm sure it doesn't want to eat you... it just...

Isis: SETH!!!

Seth: Sorry.

Isis: KARIM!!! SHAADA!!!

Mahado: **(stands on table, does heroic pose) **Good nymphs of the forest, lend me your ears!!!

Shaada and Karim: **(not looking bothered, pull their ears off and chuck them at Mahado)**

Mahado: **(grimaces and squints as the ears hit him, bounce off him, and fall to the floor with a disturbing 'plop' sound, and is somewhat disappointed:)** That's disgusting.

Isis: **(dust falls from where the ceiling used to be, giving her a second coating)** Aaaaaaaaahhhh...** (starts abusing various offensive four-letter words, about to burst into tears)**

Atem: **(jumps) MOUSE!!!** **(looks to Seth, who does buggar all)** GET 'IM SETH!!!

Seth:** (looks up, raises both eyebrows as if to say 'are you kidding me?')** Get 'im Atem!!!

Atem: **(pounces on mouse, crashing into the table that Mahado is standing on)** **DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE!!!!!!!! (splinters of wood fly everywhere)**

Mahado: **(falls from deceased table) GAH!!! **

Atem: **(gets up, having failed to catch the mouse on first attempt, and pounces again, flying several yards across the room, lands at Seth's feet)** SSSSEEEEETTTTHHH!!! **(tugs at Seth's cloak)**

Seth: **(kicks Atem hard in the side)**

Mahado: **(to Seth) **I say there good fellow, is your cat for sale?

Atem:** (eyes widen) **Eh?

Seth:** (perks up) **What is your price?

Mahado: **(daftly:) **Name yours.

Seth: He's a very good mouse-catcher...

Isis: SETH!!!!!! **(right eye twitches) **Are you selling the Pharaoh?

Seth: **(eyes go from right, to left, to left again guiltily:)** No... **(turns to 'Robin') **Fifty gold!!!

Atem: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mahado: **(jumps back) **IT TALKS?????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seth: An added bonus!!!

Atem: **(sarcastically) **Meow?

Seth: **(kicks Atem)**

Mahado: **(is otherwise distracted by his merry wood nymphs) (A/N: Not dodgily!)**

Seth:** (sighs) **

Atem: **(stands up)** Fifty gold?! Selling _me _for only fifty gold???!!! How embarrassing!

Seth: I'm sorry would one-hundred have been more appropriate?

Atem: **(scowls) **No! **(stands up, begins to cough uncontrollably...)**

Seth:** (bends down to Atem's height and raises an eyebrow) **What... are... you... doing...? **(is _conveniently_ unaware that Atem is choking)**

Atem: **(squwarks and points to throat as a drastic gesture signifying lack of oxygen)**

Seth: **(looks puzzled, despite having, by today's standards, a genius IQ, it _still _hasn't dawned on him yet...) **What's wrong with your neck? **(does the sickly sweet 'we-all-want-to-bash-the-secretary-over-the-head-with-a-very-large-mallet' voice:) **Would you like me to wring it for you?

Atem: **(stops mid-choking-session, pulls a disgusted face and swallows something)**

Seth: **(waves hand slowly from side to side infront of Atem's face to see if he is in fact still tuned into this world. Nope. Nothing. He's gone...)** Atem?

Atem: **(stares at opposite wall, and then straightens up:) **Sorry... Hairball...

Seth: Ahhh, puss can take a trip to the embalmers. They'll get rid of that for you...

Isis: SETH!!! **(views the situation, puts hands on hips and whistles very loudly)**

Seth Atem and Mahado: **(lose balance from shock, fall over, arms flailing)**

Karim and Shaada: **(jump and cower helplessly)**

Isis: You lot are pathetic!!! You! **(points at Atem, glaring) **ARE SHORT, ANNOYING, AND YOU SMELL OF WHISKERS CAT FOOD!!! You! **(points at Mahado) **LOXLEY DOESN'T EVEN EXIST YET!!! AND NEVER, NEVER, BUT NEVER, WEAR TIGHTS AGAIN!!! You two! **(points at Karim and Shaada) **YOU ARE THE FIRST, LAST, AND WORST **EVER** WOOD NYMPHS TO EVER SET FOOT IN THE MED!!! **(A/N: As in the Medeteranian ( can't spell that)** And you!!! **(points at Seth) **I HAVE NEVER KNOWN AN ABHORSEN THAT CAN DOUBLE UP AS AN ANGEL, A MAGICIAN, A NECROMANCER, A PRIEST...

Atem: Babysitter...

Mahado: Mage...

Karim: Horsemaster...

Shaada: Teacher...

Atem: Translator...

Shaada: Foreign correspondant...

Karim: Report writer...

Mahado: Overseer...

Atem: Potioneer...

Karim: Fountain of knowledge...

Mahado: Taxi service...

Shaada: Administrator...

Atem: Critic...

Shaada: Annoying little brat...

Seth: **(glares profusely at Shaada)**

Isis: _AND _A SECRETARY!!!

Seth: I...

Isis: **(holds plam up towards Seth) **CAN IT ANGEL-BOY!!!

Seth: But...

Isis: **(whistles loudly again)**

Seth: **(jumps/squirms) **RA IS THAT NECESSARY???!!!

Isis: Apparently so!!! **(nurses a headache and looks down, when she looks up they are all back to normal and looking at her with eyebrows raised)**

Mahado: Isis...

Isis: Shut up Robin.

Mahado:** (genuinely perplexed:) **Who's Robin?

Isis:** (observes the others, who are all seemingly back to normal) **Alright.** (glares) **How did you boys do it?

Seth: **(innocently:) **How did us boys do what?

Isis: **(looks up to see that the ceiling is in place, as if it had never been blown off)** Oh, that was good, how did you do that Seth?

Seth: **(sincerely:) **Do what?

Isis: Reconjure the ceiling. You blew it off, remember?

Seth: **(looks very confused as if it never happened, and shakes head)** No I didn't.**(A/N: Liar...)**

Isis: And you... **(looks to Mahado) **Where'd the tights go?

Mahado: **(sincerely/embarrrassed at the suggestion) **Tights?

Isis: And you two don't look much like wood nymphs anymore...

Shaada:** (seriously:) **What are you suggesting? Isis, are you ill?

Atem: You've stayed up a few too many late nights perhaps?

Isis: **(looks down to see that she is no longer floured, and is all spick and span like before)** But... But...

Seth: **(with eyebrow raised:) **But what?

Isis: But... WAIT A MINUTE!!! Seth...? How many spells did you cast?

Seth: Excuse me?

Isis: Don't act innocent with me Seth I know _exactly _what you're capable of. And you lot just think this is funny!

Karim: Nope.

Shaada: Wouldn't dream of it.

Isis: **(enraged) **I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU LOT!!! AHHHHHHH MEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shaada: Could we go so far as to call Seth and Atem men?**(A/N: They're _not_ gay in ACMS. Just young (18.)**

Seth and Atem: **(death glare at Shaada)**

Isis: **AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (storms out leaving a trail of dust behind her, leaving the boys 'smelling her smoke')**

All who are left: **(burst into laughter)**

Mahado: **(does impression of Isis) **"SETH!!!!!! Are you selling the Pharaoh???" **(laughs his head off)**

Atem: Amun Ra that was funny!!! **(turns to Seth) **But the next time we wind Isis up, do you have to kick me so hard? That really did hurt!!!

Seth:** (rolls eyes, maliciously:) **Oh I am sorry...

Shaada: Do you think we pulled it off?

Seth: **(nods assertively) **Hm... And what was all that about me being an annoying little brat what was all that about?

Shaada: My apologies I had no idea you were so sensitive!

Seth: **(death glares profusely)**

Shaada: **(seeing Seth's wrathful reaction, rather quickly tries to change the subject:) **Nice job on the ceiling.

Seth: **(daftly/worriedly:) **What ceiling?

Shaada: What? **(looks up to see that the ceiling is in fact gone elsewhere, looks back at Seth)** Seth. What did you do with the ceiling???

Seth: **(tilts head to the side, and then straight again and crumples brow:)** The replacement ceiling was only an illusion.

Shaada: **(looks in disbelief)**

Seth: **(counters:) **If I had had the time to reconjure it, what would I have done it with? All of it was blown to pieces wasn't it!

Mahado: Speaking of rubble, where is it?

Seth:** (eyes go from right, to left, to right again) **What rubble?

Mahado: **(raises an eyebrow)**

Seth: **(quickly:) **Bye. **(orbs out)**

All except Seth: **(look out of the window to see what must have once been the ceiling in little pieces scattered over the ground looking disturbingly like No Man's Land)**

**SSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEETTTTTTHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

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**(A/N: Well? Please please review I am now getting desperate! Surely it can't be that bad? Right? LOOK INTO ME EYES THE EYES THE EYES NOT AROUND THE EYES LOOK INTO MY EYES... YOUR UNDER! YOU WILL REVIEW THIS FIC, YOU WILL NOT REPEAT WILL NOT JUST GO BESIDES I DON'T SEE WHY YOU CAN'T JUST HIT THE STINKING BUTTON IT REALLY IS VERY DEMOTING. THREE TWO ONE... YOU'RE BACK IN THE ROOM!!!)**


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